Life is chaotic, messy, and occasionally a shit show.
Despite that, we live for those fleeting moments of love, peace, and happiness. Sometimes, during self-reflection, we find ourselves wondering what our purposes are, or if our lives even hold any meaning. We trudge along, hoping to find answers. We work for our dreams and squash our goals just to immediately set new ones; never taking the time to savor the moment. Life is temporary and the older we get, the more we realize what little time we have left.
You may laugh, or think I am a complete nincompoop, but I’m having a crisis…a quarter-life crisis. Sure it’s funny to hear someone say that, but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t a very real thing. I’ve reached that age where I see engagements, weddings, and babies everywhere I go. I watch helplessly as people I have loved for 25 years begin to fade from this world. People move far away and create new successful lives – but I’m still here, unchanged.
Sometimes I feel like I cheated myself.
I graduated college and immediately started my job search, all while living with my parents. I never traveled, I never took risks, and I lost touch with most of my friends after they moved away. Sure, I bought my first house at a young age, but lately, it feels more like a prison. Being financially responsible for a mortgage means I can’t see the world, take youthful risks, or experience finding a lifelong friend in a roommate whilst living in the shit apartment. I’ve played it safe for the last 25 years and because of it, I feel alone.
This past weekend was really hard for me. Friday night, Pat was involved in a horrific accident while I was following him home from our friend’s house. I watched the whole thing unfold in front of me. Whenever I close my eyes, the accident replays in my mind, on a constant loop. My desperate screams echo in my head as I relive pulling off on the side of the road, and running to his car, frantically trying to pull his car door open. For a moment, I thought I had lost him forever. Thankfully he walked away with minor injuries, but it got me thinking about how all we have are fleeting moments.
It’s OK to dream and work towards goals, as long as you recognize that you are living your life now. You shouldn’t become a slave to your wishes or the wishes of others – you have one life, and there is no guarantee how much time you will have to make the most of it. If all we get are fleeting moments, you better make damn sure you take control of your life and live.
Here is where we are.
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📍Great Smoky Mountain National Park, NC
